Celebrity Writers-The Glory Hogs

By Dan Wright

Okay, this is more a rant than an article, but I think I finally cracked it. I think I finally realised why it is that so many first-time authors never get published. It’s not because their book is bad, nor is it because it doesn’t have an original idea; it’s because Will Smith’s new novel is about to hit the shelf!

Yes, you heard me correctly, Will Smith. The rapper turned actor who suddenly has decided to try his hand at writing a book. Yes, a book! Is it any good? Who cares? It’s written by Will Smith! It’s gonna sell no matter what sort of rubbish it is!

Celebrity writers are my current pet peeves. I’m not talking about writers who became celebrities through their work (like Tom Clancy or Stephen King). I’m talking about the Paris Hiltons, the William Shatners, the Sarah Fergusons and so on. The type of celebrities who made an absolute fortune for their work, then decided to give writing a try. Heck, why not? It’s a chance for them to show their writing skills, right?

Or not, as the case may seem. Most of these celebrities can’t tell a story to save their life! Their books are just terrible! The only reason they sell is because they were written by a celebrity. If it was any other name on this second-rate tripe they call “novels,” they would never sell in a million years!

Over here in the UK, there is a model called Katie Price (Jordan, as she is better known as). She has written a series of children’s books, for which she was nominated for an award by a literacy agency. She didn’t win it, but claims that she deserved to be in that award ceremony. I have to ask, why? What has she done to deserve being at an award ceremony when there are childrens writers who are more deserving of our attention? I even hear Geri from the Spice Girls is writing a book now. A Spice Girl! I mean, where does it stop?

See, the problem I find with these celebrities writing children’s fiction (which seems to be the main target audience for most of them) is that it disconnects a mother or father from their child. Nine times out of ten, the parent is buying the book because of the writer, NOT for their children. As such, the parent is gonna enjoy reading it more than the child, who will probably have no interest in who wrote it at all! Surely the point of reading with your children is to connect with them on a literary level. Isn’t it?

Let’s not forget the other side of the coin. With all these big names clogging up the literary world, it means that the more deserving authors don’t even get a look in! It’s getting to the point where no one can have a book published unless they are famous first! As Jane Yolen, a prize-winning children's book author, says:

"…celebrity children's books eat up all the available oxygen ... I have over 250 books out, have won a great number of awards within the field, have been given four honorary doctorates for my body of work, but have never been on 'Oprah' or spoken to Katie Couric or gotten a $100,000 advance for my work."

So here’s what I have to say to any celebrity reading this: STOP CLOGGING UP THE WORLD WITH YOUR SECOND-RATE ATTEMPT AT WRITING! I mean, for heavens sake, haven’t you already made enough millions with your films and your multi-platinum records? Do you really need the money that badly? Why not sit back and let some of us unknown authors catch a break once and while? Is that too much to ask? Or, if you must get involved in the literary world, why don’t you invest in a real writer?

Okay, rant over. Now I think I’ll just settle down with a nice cup of tea and a nice little read of Paris Hilton’s latest book.

Dan Wright lives in Canterbury, United Kingdom. His favourite authors include Douglas Adams, J.R.R Tolkien and Terry Pratchett, but is also a huge fan of Stan Lee and Brian Bendis.

Agree? Disagree? Tell us at editor@writersnewsweekly.com