 Poem: Writing Your Way into the Story The Black Genre Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk |
Overcoming a Writer’s Fear
I am sitting outside today on my porch in Grants Pass, Oregon. The sky is partly cloudy with enough holes in the white puffy stuff to allow the sun to warm my face. I guess you could say I am getting my so called “vitamin D shot.”
I understand vitamin D is supposed to be good for you. Doctors claim it fights cancer and other scary diseases. Despite the benefits, I know I shouldn’t stay too long in the sun, because we are told by experts to fear the beast that is melanoma.
The good news is that my wife and I will be heading to the Oregon coast soon for hopefully five glorious days in a rented beach home in the town of Yachats. I am appreciating the slight breeze which touches my face as I look out into the distance, past the huge 100-foot Ponderosa Pines, quaking Aspens and the purple looming mountains on the horizon.
My eyes drift upward to take a scan of the grand, blue heavens poking through thosepartially white and gray clouds. As I start to lose myself in the sky, my breath is almost taken away from the sight of the biggest hawk I have ever seen in my life.
At second glance, I realize it may not be a hawk. The wing span is so large, I am reminded of a one-man glider kites. I think that awesome, floating bird could be a turkey vulture or maybe even a golden eagle. Whatever avian creature circles above me, the message that startles my consciousness in its presence is the importance of rising above all that we fear.
Fear is one of those dark secrets that hold writers, both young and old, captive from all we deserve to become. As a matter of fact, fear can be a force of self-destruction and negativity no matter what hopes and dreams we want to pursue. Let me present a more personal example of my struggle with the darkness that I call “writers fear.”
Almost a year ago in July of 2007, I was reading The Secret by Rhonda Burns. She makes the wonderful point about the “Law of Attraction,” claiming that what we project out from our minds and into the universe we will surely receive; send out the positive and receive the positive; embrace negativity and remain imprisoned by the negative.
The idea came to me as I pondered her formula of asking, believing and receiving. I asked myself: What was holding me back from sending that dusty, 20 year-old manuscript out into the universe?
I experienced an unpleasant twinge in my stomach: I was afraid that what I wrote wasn’t good enough. In a sudden splash of insight, honesty and openness, I told myself to use the skills and principles that help my clients overcome despair, mental illness, addictions, homelessness, poverty and incarceration. I wanted to finish the manuscript I started so long ago. Despite the burst of creative excitement I was experiencing, the inner dark side reminded me that I was a social worker, not a writer.
I took a deep breath for three seconds and slowly let the air out of my lower lungs for six or more. I went through my yoga, tai-chi and meditation routine. I used the “ask, believe and receive” process. I even added my own prayer of going into the Light within, praying, “Thank you God for all that I have and for all that I receive.”
I completed my book about hope and healing just one month later in August of 2007. In December of 2007, I pursued self-publishing. I sold some copies, but knew that what I really longed for was a legitimate publisher. Again, the hydra-head of fear reminded me that the likelihood of a publisher picking up my book is about as good as winning the jack-pot in one of the Oregon Native American Casinos.
For a while longer I danced with the fear monger and did nothing about it. This changed three months ago. After completing my relaxation and meditation routine, I visualized sending my book out to a publisher who would appreciate its value and potential.
I also prayed to my sense of Higher Power called the Love-Light. I actually felt warmth, comfort and the unconditional love of being in the Light. The thought came to me that I needed to send out query letters to established agents and publishers.
I found a service on the internet that would blast out my query letters to 500 agents and publishers. Over the last three months I received 498 rejection notices, and two positive responses. One was from a publisher in New Mexico, and the other was from SterlingHouse Publisher in Pittsburgh.
On June 18 2008, I signed a contract with SterlingHouse. I have no idea where this new journey will take me. I don’t even know what the title of my book will be or how many changes the editor will make. I surely don’t have a clue how to do book signings or how to begin the enigma of the marketing process.
I do know the sky is azure today; the sun is still warm on my face; the mountains always lift my spirit, and the eagle rises above the forces of fear and all dark secrets. Wherever you are, whatever you do, refuse to dance with the negative side that holds you back. Learn the skills to face your stressful feelings honestly and openly.
Find a way to enter the Light within. Then your writing will no longer require tedious work or even esoteric craftsmanship. You will find your inspirational voice and rise above like eagles.
