Marriage is a (writing) Partnership

There’s a lot to be said about our marriage. We’ve been together now for 17 years. Larry King was our matchmaker. I was on his show to introduce my first book, Full Circle. Charles Whitfield flipped on his TV and there I was. We had met 5 years earlier at a conference in DC. He realized as he watched me with Larry King, that he was coming up to Farmington, Connecticut where I lived the next weekend to speak at a conference. Charlie has a best seller that had come out two years earlier. It’s called Healing the Child Within. It’s still selling well in English and in 10 other languages.

That year we dated, his second book was released and he wrote his third book. When we moved in together, I wrote my second book as he wrote his fourth. At this point we have 14 published books. The one two years ago, The Power of Humility: Choosing peace over conflict in relationships, we did together. Both our names are on that one.

Actually, our ideas and words are all over each other’s books. We read each others’ “stuff” and ask each other questions that spur us on to expand what we are writing. And I type our manuscripts. Charlie edits them. Over the years (if it’s not a technical paper) we have moved toward sounding alike. Our goal is to write without jargon and clearly. Simple is elegant and we strive for that, although The Power of Humility tested us repeatedly.

The Power of Humility, or what we affectionately refer to it as – PoH – was a shared writing experience with another couple. They brought us the idea in a one-page map that changed our relationship for the better -- and took us five years to write. During that five years, Charlie wrote two books quoting over 350 scientific studies about depression and mental illness. I wrote The Natural Soul during that time because it was overflowing from PoH. PoH is really a map of transcendence using our relationships as our spiritual path.

Sometimes I spend all night at my computer. Sometimes Charlie is sitting in his chair, writing by hand at odd hours too. We watch the sun come up. We chuckle about the muse keeping weird hours. We finally have two pens that have flashlights in them so we can write in bed without waking the other if it is just a few words to jog our memory in the morning. We help each other during these “Writing Zone” times to stay present for the simple things in life; gardening, household chores, soccer (for him) and a gym (for me) plus independent films keep us remembering how important balance is. We also meditate together daily.

How did this happen? I don’t know. We didn’t start writing books until our 40s. And, this is a second marriage that happened in our 50s. I do know that what underlies this life we share together is gratitude. We’ve both got something to say, and being together enhances our writing and our writing enhances our relationship because – just for starters -- it’s impossible to be grateful and not be happy!

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after-effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults who were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com