Lannie Rose

By Lannie Rose

When a man likes flower arranging more than watching football, do you think, "What kind of a man is he?" When a woman chooses not have children and says she's not the mothering type, do you think, "What kind of a woman is she?" They are meant to be rhetorical questions, but I'd like you to consider them seriously.

What kind of a man is he? The kind that prefers flower arranging to football, that's all. (He may be gay, or he may not be. The toughest kid on my block, after he got out of a stint in the Marines, became a hairdresser, and he's a happily married family man.)

What kind of a woman is she? The kind that chooses not to have children, that's all.

Now, what kind of a man is born with a female body, lives as a man and takes testosterone to masculinize his body, and then becomes pregnant? He's Thomas Beatie—and that's far from all! But you already know that if you watch Oprah or the evening news, because Thomas and his wife Nancy have been all over it. If you missed them, you can check them out on Oprah.com.

Thomas and Nancy have been doing a fine job telling their story—the joy of the pregnancy, the tragedy of the rejection by the medical establishment and family, and why they chose to reveal the story themselves rather than letting others spin it. You can read Thomas' own words in this article on Advocate.com if you like. I offer my take on the subject because of my particular perspective. Like Thomas Beatie, I also changed my sex.

I went the opposite direction of Thomas. I was born in a male body, but now I'm a tall, striking woman with long red hair and dazzling blue eyes. My journey from man to woman (which you can read about in my book, Lannie: My Journey from Man to Woman) has many similarities to Thomas' journey from woman to man, and many differences. One difference is that I can never become pregnant, because I don't have a uterus. (Neither does Nancy Beatie, though for different reasons.)

One thing, I can assure you, is very similar between Thomas and me: We both thought long and hard about the question, "What kind of a person am I?" before we made our decisions to change our gender presentations and our bodies.

I still think about that question every day. I wonder if the fact that I am the driver more often than my boyfriend makes me less of a woman. If I find myself attracted to a woman, does that mean I should have stayed a man? Am I being too masculine if I'm assertive about something at work? I worry that when I sneeze and it comes out loud and guttural, will people think there is something weird about me?

Thomas had a question like that to answer, and it was a big one. Would it make him any less of a man if he became pregnant?

The answer to all of these questions, doubts, and fears, is "No!" Plenty of men enjoy flower arranging. Plenty of women choose not to be mothers, and like driving, and are attracted to women, and are assertive. Some women even have loud, guttural sneezes. And every now and then, a man gets pregnant. Thomas isn't the first pregnant man; he's just the first to go on Oprah. If you stop and think about it, there isn't a single behavior, quality, or characteristic that is exclusive to men, or exclusive to women. Not even the ability—or desire—to get pregnant, as Thomas proves.

Personally, I've come to the conclusion that "What kind of man am I?" and "What kind of woman am I?" aren't the right questions to ask at all. For me, the right question is, "What kind of person am I?" If I can figure that out, and if I can truly be that person, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Once I have that settled, well then, if I feel like I'm a woman, then that's what I am. And if I feel like I'm a man, then that's what I am. You may have a different opinion about me or about Thomas Beatie, and you are certainly entitled to it. However, it seems to me that common courtesy and human compassion dictate that we should respect every person's own understanding of their own gender identity. After all, you want people to respect your gender identity, don't you?

If the Beaties's role-reversal pregnancy is causing you to ask, "What kind of a man is he?" or "What makes us women or men?" welcome to the club, because we're all certainly asking ourselves those questions within the transgender community. But please allow me to suggest that the questions you should really be thinking long and hard about are these: What kind of a person are you? What kind of a person do you want to be? Are you truly living as that person? If not, why not? This is your life, dear reader, and you only get one shot at it. You can take it from Thomas and me, nothing feels as good as living your life as the person you were born to be. Even if you were born from your father's womb.

Agree? Disagree? Tell us at editor@writersnewsweekly.com

Click here to read WNW's review of Lannie's book, Lannie! My Journey from Man to Woman