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08/19/2008
Male Fantasy: Why Do Fictional Women Always Have Large Boobs?
By C. Sterling
I have read enough manuscripts over the past 25 years to make the following statement: Male fiction writers need to get real. Okay, fiction isn’t really real, but it still has to sound real. The storyline has to be plausible, the characters believable and the dialogue natural. Every publisher and editor will agree that a writer’s ability to make fiction seem real is what good fiction is all about. Somehow, this message hasn’t gotten to male fiction writers, especially the new ones. Here’s an example of what I mean:
“As Joe waited for the elevator door to open he ran his fingers through his gray hair. It was thinning; there was no doubt about it. It was true, Joe admitted to himself. He was losing his hair. At least he was doing better than his father, who was completely bald by the age of fifty-five. He was ready to let go of his thoughts about hair, age and dad when the door opened and he came face to face with himself in the elevator’s full length mirror. Was that really him? When did he get that belly? And those wrinkles on his face? He entered the elevator and immediately heard a woman calling to hold the door.
Joe held the door open and before him stood the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was tall, mostly legs. Her flowing blond hair lightly touched her bare shoulders. The deep neckline of her nearly see-through white blouse revealed her large, round breasts. Her short black skirt hugged her narrow hips. “Just in time,” he said, smiling.
She returned his smile. Her lips where red, full and inviting. “I’m Monique,” she said with a hit of a French accent. “And you are my savior tonight.” He stared into her deep blue eyes; a place where he was certain he could get lost.
She returned his gaze. Their hands meet as they both reached for the elevator button.”
Blah…blah…blah. Anyway, later that night Joe and Monique bump into each other at the hotel bar. Joe learns she is twenty-four, has a PH.D from Harvard and is in town for a few weeks to work with NASA scientists to solve a problem that might just save the world from certain destruction. Oh, Joe works with NASA, too. He’s the janitor who has stumbled upon a piece of top-secret information that may just help Monique save the world. Anyway, as you probably have guessed by now, Joe and Monique have sex. Excuse me, not just sex; the best sex ever. Crazy, wild, uninhibited sex with a capital “S.” So what if he is married to a fifty-four year old small breasted women who works as a secretary and loves him dearly. The world in grave danger, humans may become extinct and a twenty-four year old blond bombshell with large boobies and a PH.D. wants his fat, aging, bald-headed body. A woman would never write that shit, except of course to illustrate a point.
What point? The male fantasy point. Enough already. No matter how you try to spin it, Monica is never, in a million years, going to have sex with Joe. Just isn’t going to happen. So fellas, downsize the breasts, shorten the legs, make the lips less red and a bit thinner, drop the accent, change Monique to Mary and up the age to forty-two. Oh, and kill the wife. The rest of the story sounds pretty good.
Did I mention that Monique has a friend? Yeah, she’s an old college roommate named Suzanne. NASA, much to Monique’s surprise, asked her to join the team. She’s attracted to Joe, too. And guess what? Suzanne’s breasts are even bigger than Monique’s.
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Of Harvests and Horses
In my last column, I encouraged all writers to really assess their work and make sure to remove passages and lines that don’t fit before the publishing process is complete. I discussed the difficulty in this and how the work a creator creates is never very easily exiled to the trash bin of our computers.
Today, I’m going to contradict myself a bit.
Well, maybe not a blatant contradiction, however I will raise the question of timing in deleting such work. In 1984, Thomas Green wrote a non-fiction book titled Weeds Among the Wheat: Where Prayer and Action Meet. The book argues that human beings' deficiencies are sometimes like weeds; If plucked to soon, the good stuff, or the identity we are destined to live by, would be plucked as well, damaging and destroying the potential harvest inside us. To alter the metaphor, it’s like the training of a horse; though a young one may be overly energetic and zealous, it is actually the beginnings of the very spirit that we will one day look upon with wonderment. Be patient through the youthful enthusiasm, and you’ll have a spectacular steed soon enough. Rush nature’s course and over-train in order to control, and you’ll lose the spirit.
Whether one considers a harvest or a horse, the philosophy is an interesting one. It is in direct conflict with many adults' manner of raising children, which often involves a litany of do’s and don’ts. The more patient philosophy of leaving the weeds, or letting the young horse break things while he grows to maturity, could be used as an excuse by less responsible people to do the wrong thing. Admittedly, it takes a special relationship between mentor and pupil to be able to trust this type of rearing. The same tenderness must be applied to a crop if a farmer expects a rich reward at the end of his toils.
To think of harvests and horses can be healthy when a writer is working on a manuscript. The writer must be totally invested in his work in order to recognize not only the weeds and the wheat, but more importantly when to pluck the one in order to enjoy the other; when to exact harsher discipline on the wayward horse.
When is the perfect time to delete unnecessary passages? I would suggest delaying it as much as possible. Put a text box around it as a reminder and wait. Then keep writing. Something is going on there. As good as it is and as proud as you are of it, the least you owe yourself is to wait and let the natural progression of revisions run its course. Oftentimes, passages are there to lead you to something else you haven’t quite thought of yet. Pluck those passages too early, and you’ve lost the connection. You’ve lost that which would have inspired a more spirited and rich exchange between you and your readers.
Jeff LeJeune is the author of The Final Chase and Postmarked Baltimore. After a deadly disease during college redirected the course of his life, Jeff became a teacher at St. Louis Catholic High School in Lake Charles, LA where he was recently named a Claes Nobel Educator of Distinction.
Tyler Oaks on the Move: Getting Lost on Purpose
I get lost all the time. Sometimes my head is far away and I miss turns, sometimes I get in the car without remembering to take directions and sometimes the directions I do take don’t make a whole lot of sense anyway. Getting lost is something that happens to me so often that I’m learning to let go and just accept it. In fact, last week I decided to get lost on purpose.
Even with long walks and spontaneous escapes outside, alone time is hard for me to come by. I prize the rare moments in this universe that I can sit and stare and not have my thoughts interrupted. That’s why sometimes I need to just get lost, and do. I don’t see how I could ever write if I didn’t just disappear every once in a while.
Last week it was for four days: just me, my car and the state of California. Driving from Northern to Southern California was something I hated as a kid (Disneyland aside,) but can’t get enough of as an adult. There is something about an all day or all night drive alone that frees my mind. Four hours into my seven and a half hour trip, I looked at the clock and realized how happy I was. It had taken that long for me to clear my mind of my daily life and finally have the freedom to think by myself for myself, and beyond.
As a rule, what I write when I get lost on purpose is only for me to read. Still, when my mind is freed from everyone and everything else, I find the strength to write as I should when I return home. Maybe my recent trip was essentially about searching out some questions for myself, being at the beach and not having any plans except those that I made for myself at the last minute. What I never expected is how well I would get to know a troublesome character I had been working on before I went away. Although she had tortured me at home, four days into my trip I realized I had everything I needed to know about her. All that was left was to get it down on paper.
Some people are scared to be alone, but as writers we know that being alone is not lonely. Getting lost is a way to be free; to think without the influence of those around us, both those who adore or hate us. Yes, strangers we meet along the way add their own thoughts into our mix. But the beauty is that there is time to think through anyone or anything we allow into our lost time. And of course, there is always that unparalleled seven and a half hour drive home to get everything else all figured out.
What’s a Story Without the Setting? - Part Four
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This is the last week we will explore setting in the book. These exercises will show the values of characters in a different people and help establish a chronological order to your novel.
Setting Exercise Seven
Objective: To show the values of characters in a different period
It is 1890, in a small town in the Midwest. A man is standing in the town square, screaming obscenities about his neighbor and closet rival. The man has been drinking, but he is not drunk.
Write a few sentences describing how each of the following people would react to the raging man. Keep the era in mind.
1. The sheriff
2. The schoolteacher
3. The man’s rival
4. The man’s wife
5. A boy of 10
6. The local minister
Setting Exercise Eight
Objective: To put a scene in proper chronological order
Part 1
Read the following passage involving a blind date, keeping chronological order in mind.
Steven was supposed to pick her up at six that evening, so Lilly spent the hour before then dressing and putting on her makeup. He had called her that morning and specified that she shouldn’t get dressed up, but Lilly rationalized that a silk shirt and long black harem pants weren’t really dressy. She wondered what sort of restaurant he was taking her to.
She answered the door when she heard the doorbell ringing and stared out the doorway in confusion. There stood a tall, angular man in jeans, a flannel shirt, and most peculiar of all, a black Stetson. “Lilly? I’m Steven. Ready for the rodeo?” he asked, helping himself to a beer from the fridge.
Lilly stared at him open-mouthed. “I’ll…I’ll have to change my clothes,” she stammered. “I thought we were going out to eat.” Steven had told her something about dinner, and she had assumed he had meant a restaurant. What sort of dinner could they get at a rodeo? Hot dogs? And why a rodeo? He hadn’t told her anything about that, she was sure.
The night before, when Clara had told her about this guy Steven, Lilly had been charmed by Clara’s description. Clara had said he was tall, dark and handsome, but she had not said anything about cowboy gear. Now, Lilly saw that Clara had been right in a way, because Steven was handsome, but he was not at all what she had expected.
Later, at the barbecue in the fairgrounds, Lilly found herself enjoying the chicken, beans and corn on the cob when Steven laid his hand on her shoulder. “Time to go back to our seats,” he said. “That rider I told you about drew Nightmare, and I just made a bet with a friend that he wouldn’t go the full eight seconds.”
Lilly nodded and followed Steven back to the grandstands. The rider he had pointed out earlier was strutting about behind the chutes as if he owned every single bucking horse there. “You’re right, he does look conceited,” Lilly said.
Part 2
Yikes! Are things ever out of chronological order here! Rewrite the passage so that the timing is logical and the writing does not constantly shift backward and forward in time.
Setting Exercise Nine
Objective: To establish the time lapse between two scenes
In the kitchen at breakfast, Bill, with his briefcase in hand, announces to Mary, his wife, that he is leaving her and the children. Later, Mary tells her children what has taken place.
Your job is to write these two scenes, clearly establishing the setting of the second scene. Try to provide answers for these questions: Where is that second scene taking place? What time is it in the scene? How much time has elapsed since the scene with Bill? Has anything changed during that lapse in time?
What’s a Story Without the Setting? - Part One
What’s a Story Without the Setting? - Part Two
What’s a Story Without the Setting? - Part Three
For more helpful tips and exercises, visit www.sterlinghouse-bookstore.com and check out:
Writing Aerobics I by C. Sterling and M. Davidson
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Q&A with Dr. Max Malik
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1. Did the Muslim Writers Project cite a reason for not accepting the book? Is there any particular part of the novel that is questionable in their eyes?
The Muslim Writers Association (MWA) did accept the book and it did get shortlisted; in fact, I was told that it was one of the best submissions the MWA had ever received, and would probably have won in view of the fact that I had won the overall Creative Writer of the Year prize in 2007. The problem is that the book was not sent to the judges. There was obviously a difference of opinion somewhere in MWA and someone censored it. I think the objections are due in part to characters in The Butterfly Hunter being portrayed as suicide bombers from within the Muslim community, and the fact that indigenous British people such as Jessica, a blonde haired blue eyed woman who gets involved in a terror cell could be involved in the potential destruction of their own cities in the impending 'Clash of Civilisations' in the book. Also, the morally and sexually corrupt Imam who uses rent boys and sexual abuse of boys in a mosque could have been seen as offensive. However good or bad a character may be has no barring on religion; it is a fact that reflects true life.
2. A number of books have been censored or banned because certain organizations find them to be offensive to Muslims. How do you see the future of books that pushes the envelope in the Muslim community?
I think mostly it’s a lack of understanding on part of the Muslim community as well as a reciprocal lack of understanding of the sensitivities of the Muslim communities by some writers. I think the Muslim community needs to accept the fact that there simply is good and bad in all communities; and that in fact there have been and indeed are potential suicide bombers from within the Muslim community, as unpalatable as it may be to accept.
3. What is the message you hope to get across in “The Butterfly Hunter”?
It’s a story that came to me when I was in a coma on a life support machine in intensive care and the doctors told my family I would not survive. I had dreams and visions which I eventually found the courage in me to write down. The universality of the human experience, the frailty, contradictions and paradoxes common to all human beings and to get away from stereotypes are all key parts of my novel. Is it a case of one civilization destroying another? Is it really a case of 'you're either with us or against us?' The Butterfly Hunter for the first time, based on many true life as well as dream-vision experiences, lays open the hearts and minds of suicide bombers from the point of view of a second generation Pakistani inner-city teenage drug dealer, a successful middle class white woman, and a violent Islamic extremist who is part of an international organization bent on destruction of the western world and causing revolution to establish a Khilafa, a worldwide Muslim state, as part of the final showdown in the last battle to achieve the victory of Islam over the Kuffar (“the infidels”).
4. What advice do you have for writers who may find their book censored or banned by a community?
If you find yourself banned or censored, don't worry. Be brave and tell the truth as you see it. Someone once said about writers, 'liars prosper but not for very long!' The Butterfly Hunter is my truth as I see it. If one section of the community views me as anti-Muslim and the other side sees me as a silent Jihadi, then that really is their opinion of my work.
5. Do you plan on writing more books in the future, and will they be as controversial as “The Butterfly Hunter”?
Writing for me is a necessary intrinsic process; I feel the need to write, so I write. If the next story happens to grow organically as The Butterfly Hunter did into something explosive and controversial, then I certainly will not shy away from that. I could have had a comfortable life as a simple doctor, but I have sacrificed that so I can tell the truth about the single most important issue of our generation in the form of stories that came to me in my dream-visions!
Junaid Abbas Bhatti
The Baron of Ballencrieff
Ballencrieff House, London WC1N 3XX, United Kingdom
Mob: +44 (0) 7980 586 243 - Tel: +44 (0) 207 193 5766
Email: junaid@ballencrieff.net - Web: www.ballencrieff.net
Click here to read more about "The Jewel of Medina"
Click here to read more about "The Satanic Verses"
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Literary Spotlight: Teena Cahill
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Dr. Teena Cahill, author of The Cahill Factor: Turning Adversity into Advantage, holds a Doctorate in Psychology and speaks on leadership, resilience and skills to enhance peak performance at work and at home.
Q: Most authors begin with a book and then go on a speaking tour. You entered the literary world as an established speaker. What was that like?
A: I knew I could speak faster than I could write, so I went for it! I am a mom, grandma, wife, care giver and working professional, so I have a lot to say about life from both a personal and professional perspective.
Q: What advice would you give to professionals who want to share their knowledge and expertise with the world through a book?
A: Write everyday even if you decide to throw most of it out. This helps develop both your ideas and your skills. See yourself as a writer … own the label.
Q: How has relaying your personal experiences impacted your readers?
A: My book is an “instructional” memoir. I’m deeply moved when I hear my book was meaningful to someone.
Q: What have been the most memorable moments reader have shared with you after reading your book?
I get calls and e-mails telling me how the description of my husband made them just “love” him. Others have said they relate to the story, and some people even told me they keep the book handy to use as a reference.
Carlotta Holton is the author of Salem Pact and Touching The Dead, and is a member of the National Federation of Press Women and an affiliate member of the Horror Writers Association.
Carlotta Holton has just received her second award for Touching the Dead from the National Federation of Press Women Communications Contest. Click here to purchase the book.
Book Review: Keeping the House (Random House, 2007) by Ellen Baker
By Amanda Linsmeier
Keeping the House (Random House, 2007) is a page-turning family saga by Ellen Baker. Dolly Magnuson is a housewife in the 1950’s who thought marriage would be easy. All she has to do is be the perfect homemaker, or so she thinks. But when her husband Byron moves her away from her family to the small town of Pine Rapids, WI, it doesn’t take long before she feels lonely and restless. Dolly tries to keep busy by keeping the house and joining the Ladies Aid quilting circle. At the quilting meetings, she is quickly drawn into the dramatic tales surrounding Pine Rapids once-prominent Mickelson family. Dolly becomes obsessed with the family and drawn to the empty Mickelson house. Before long, Dolly is pulled into the Mickelson world. As she becomes more and more involved in their lives, she becomes less satisfied with her own. Keeping the House swings through time, from 1896 to 1950 and through three generations. It explores Dolly’s obsession with the Mickelson house and its former owners as well as the secrets that led to the family’s unraveling.
I enjoyed this debut novel by Ellen Baker. I did have some difficulty moving through history as each chapter touched on a different time, but I liked it nonetheless. One of the most charming points was the excerpts from archived issues of Good Housekeeping and Ladies’ Home Journal that began many chapters. These pieces of advice to housewives of that era were intriguing and somewhat surprising to me as a wife in 2008. Keeping the House is an interesting lesson in history and culture at a time when women didn’t have many choices in their lives. It is an intriguing and suspenseful tale I couldn’t put down. I couldn’t wait to find out the Mickelson’s fate; in fact, I stayed up till 2 a.m. one night so that I could finish the book. This novel is full with stories of passion and forbidden dreams. It explores men’s struggles with heroism and war and women’s issues surrounding love, identity and conformity. Keeping the House is a relatable novel about marriage, family and the trials that befall each and every one of us, now and then.
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Dear Lee
| Dear Lee, I recently visited a website that claims to be a reference source for writers regarding literary agents and publishers. I heard about this site from a friend who is researching the researchers. There is an agent on the site who is on the “not recommended” list of “bad” agents. Why you ask? Because this agent charges fees. Forget the fact that the agent has been dead for years, which would have been a better reason for not recommending them. My friend tells me that this site and similar ones have caused a lot of damage to good people and good companies. I personally can’t believe that anyone takes them serious. The way I see it, if a new writer believes this nonsense, they have just taken the meaning of the word “idiot” to new heights. Agree or disagree? -Researching the Researcher |
| Dear Researching, Every Tom, Dick or Harry who has access to the Internet can create a “World According to Me” site. In their virtual world, they make their own rules, which they enforce by any means necessary. In the real world, they would not fair so well. There are many reasons why these people do what they do and why people believe them. The unfortunate thing is that good people and good businesses have been irreparably damaged. As for taking “idiot” to new heights, well, I just returned from a debate with lawmakers regarding freedom of speech and libel on the Internet. Now there’s a group that have successfully redefined the meaning of idiot. |
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| Dear Lee, I have a writing problem. I recently spoke with an agent regarding my manuscript. He wants me to change my entire story. Something about not enough conflict and staying in a point of view, among other things. I have a ton of conflict and my point of view is in the third person. I don’t think they know what they are talking about. Why should I have to listen to them, anyway? -My Way |
| Dear Your Way, Tons of conflicts? Great. I’ll bet none of the “conflict” is developed. As far as your point of view being the “third” person, the question becomes, who is the third person whose POV you are in? First and third are forms of narration. POV is best explained by asking the question, “From whose eyes are we seeing this story?” Most of the time, the POV belongs to your main character (protagonist.) You know what? Read a few good books on the craft of fiction writing. While you’re at it, read a few good novels, too. Listen to your agent. If he offers any writing services, you may want to take them, My Way. |
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| Dear Lee, This story goes out to your new writers. I was offered a contract by a very small publisher. It was a three book deal with very small advance on the first book and a little better advance on the next two books. The deal also had a bonus structure. I had to agree to buy some promotional copies of my first book but none of the second and third. I sought advice on the Internet, and was contacted by a published author who advised me against signing the contract. This author told me that the publisher was being “investigated” for fraud. I believed this person. I turned down the contract and at this author’s urging self-published the first book “To keep control of my rights,” as she said. I went with a self-publishing company that they recommended. After I self-published, I realized I needed a distributor, had to advertise, etc. I never wanted to be a publisher; I just wanted to be an author. The first book flopped, and I have a ton of unsold copies I doubt I can get rid of. Recently, I received a letter from the small publisher informing me that their budget for next year has been approved and they can offer me the same three book deal with a slightly higher advance on each book, and I don’t have to buy any promotional copies on the first book. I also learned that they received a few awards for some of their titles, and that they have had success in selling foreign translation and movie rights. To top it off, a few house-hold name authors have been endorsing their new authors’ works. I immediately called the publisher to tell them to move ahead and send me the contract. I explained that I made a mistake and self-published the first book in the series. The publisher was very deeply sorry (I could hear it in her voice,) and explained that she was unable to offer the contract to me. She went on to say that the publishing house doesn’t publish previously published fiction unless it had a proven market. Furthermore, I learned that the same author that told me not to accept the contract contacted the publisher with a three book project of her own! She is being published by them, and I am not. The moral of the story: The Internet sucks, and I’m a jerk without a publisher. -I Should Have Signed |
| Dear Should Have, There’s absolutely nothing wrong with self-publishing if you want to be an author or publisher. Many good and well-known authors started out that way. I don’t think this is about self-publishing, but rather about taking advice from some voice echoing in the wildness. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like both you and that small publisher lost. |
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Submit Your Questions to: dearlee@writersnewsweekly.com.
