09/16/2008

Tone Exercise Two
Objective: To add tone to a flat scene

Part 1
The following scene is an example of flat writing. Read the sample.

Shortly after they were seated, Dan and Wendy ordered a magnificent dinner of crab legs, French onion soup and half a dozen whisky sours. Before they knew what was happening, they found themselves at a motel a few blocks away from the restaurant, checking in for the night. The night clerk thought they looked like a couple of honeymooners who couldn’t wait to get into the sack. They were clinging to each other, kissing and rubbing each other all over. Dan even had a hard time getting in the elevator, because Wendy was pawing at him nonstop. The moment they entered their room, Wendy tore off Dan’s shirt and jeans, and Dan shucked off her skirt and oversized blouse. Wendy clasped Dan around the middle and pushed him back onto the bed.

Part 2

Now rewrite the scene giving it tone. As written, it is virtually a direction from a movie script. It is extremely distant, cold and clinical, despite its sexy premise. About passion, it is nevertheless passionless. It is as if a reporter is in the bedroom, taking notes. We know these people are attracted to each other simply because of their physical movements and because the writer implies they have sex.

What sort of emotion can you add to this passage to make it more involving, more human, more moving? In other words, how can you give it tone? Here are some things to ask yourself:

1. In whose viewpoint is this interlude taking place, Dan’s or Wendy’s? In other words, who is observing and reflecting on the action?
2. What is Dan’s and Wendy’s relationship? Is it clandestine or not? Is this their first tryst or their tenth? Could they be a married couple?
3. What do they feel for each other? Do they each feel the same way about each other?
4. What sort of people are Dan and Wendy? Are they basically decent or not? Shouldn’t we know something about their personalities?
5. How well do they know each other?
6. What might they say to each other?
7. What words might reveal their feelings?
8. Is the night clerk important here? Would you lose anything by getting rid of him?

Tone Exercise One

For more helpful tips and exercises, visit www.sterlinghouse-bookstore.com and check out:
Writing Aerobics I by C. Sterling and M. Davidson

What do you think about this exercise? Tell us at editor@writersnewsweekly.com or join the discussion on facebook.com.

Angus' new memoir, A Full House - But Empty, is the gripping story of young Angus' life growing up in the Depression years based on the positive lessons he had learned from his father during their somewhat traumatic and hectic years together.
If you would like to find out more about Angus and his new book, click here.

1. Is this event going to be the first time you have met with the patients, parents and staff of the hospital since writing House of Miracles?

As a member of the Family-Centered Care Committee at the hospital, I have stayed in contact with a number of people on the staff as well as some of the parents of patients of the hospital. It is the ongoing dedication of staff members and the unwavering support of the parents that inspired me to write the story. I am still in awe of the dedication and the love that goes along with the day-to-day life of a children’s hospital.

2. What would you like people to know about the hospital that they may not already know?

Personally, before my son was sick, I had respect for the work of the staff at WCHOB, but that respect is greatly enhanced when your own child is in a life or death situation. Parents in the community, most likely, won’t ever face such a powerful problem, but I wrote House of Miracles for them also. I want them to know about the jewel of the medical community that is right there in downtown Buffalo.

3. How has writing House of Miracles changed your life?

Every single time I write something, I am truly searching for a life-changing experience. During the writing of House of Miracles, I was completely taken by the dedication of the staff at the hospital. Normal people complain if the coffee isn’t perfect – the staff at the hospital toils day-in and day-out in real human conditions where a mistake might mean the end of someone’s life. To see the light that went on in the staff member’s eyes when they talked of true compassion – My God, it was certainly life changing! I certainly do a lot less complaining about the little things that go wrong on any given day.

4. Do you feel that the people you write about in your stories have become a part of your family? What type of relationship do you see having w/the hospital in the future?

The staff members and the patient families that I have met through the years have grown to be important members of my life – yes, almost family-like. I am genuinely pleased to see them on a monthly basis. I have written things down so that I will never forget the happiness in my heart, or to thank those dear to my family and me.

5. Your son’s miraculous recovery is chronicled in your book, Counting on a Miracle. How is he doing today? What is his involvement with the hospital like?

Jake is doing great. He is a happy, healthy boy who loves sports, video games and playing with his brothers, Matt and Sam. He doesn’t recall much about his surgery, but he realizes that the people at WCHOB saved his life and our family. His favorite thing to do is to sign copies of Counting on a Miracle alongside of me. Perhaps we can get him out for this leg of the tour!

After his son's miraculous recovery at Women and Children's Hospital of Buffalo, NY, Mr. Fazzolari set about writing a book that would reveal and explain the medical miracles performed at the hospital every day. This book of true stories about staff, patients and their parents is an engrossing look at the way a hospital functions to save young lives. Readers will shed a tear or two and come away moved and enthralled at the courage and determination of the extraordinary people so beautifully chronicled in these pages.

Buy This Book
Kindle Edition

Lisa Wingate is an inspirational speaker, magazine columnist and national bestselling author. Tending Roses was a selection of the Readers Club of America and is currently in its tenth printing.

Q: How important is getting a feel for writing in school?

A: It's tremendously important. By nature, children are writers. Documenting their “lets pretend” on paper just takes the process one step further. Writing isn't the thing you do with a pencil; it's the thing you do with your mind.

Q: How can aspiring writers delve into their treasure chests of memories to write a book?

A: The trick in mining real life experiences is sorting out which ones would be interesting to readers who don't have a personal connection and which are strictly of personal interest.

Q: What are the advantages/disadvantages of working on two series for two different publishers?

A: The disadvantages of working for two different publishers lie in the fact that publishing schedules, option clauses and deadlines can conflict. The advantages lie in the opportunity to spread your eggs into more than one basket. You benefit from acquiring ideas from two publishing houses, and you're less vulnerable to changes in the publishing program at a single house.

Q: What is the most difficult part of the writing process for you?

A: The most difficult part for me is probably just rear-in-chair. On any given day, life provides a million distractions. When I finally sit down and get started, I'm often lost in the story world for hours.

Carlotta Holton is the author of Salem Pact and Touching The Dead, and is a member of the National Federation of Press Women and an affiliate member of the Horror Writers Association.

Carlotta Holton has just received her second award for Touching the Dead from the National Federation of Press Women Communications Contest. Click here to purchase the book.

By Amanda Linsmeier

I haven’t read any other books by author Judith Merkle Riley, but after reading The Serpent Garden (Viking, 1996) I’ll be sure to. Set in England during the time of Henry VIII, The Serpent Garden is a fantastic marriage of history, romance and the paranormal. Susanna Dallet is the wife of Roland. When not spending his time with his mistress or drinking, Roland is an esteemed painter. Little do his associates know that it is actually his wife who does much of his work. She mixes his colors, makes his brushes and even puts the finishing touches on his paintings. When Roland is murdered in a diabolical plot, it is up to Susanna to pay off his debts and provide for herself. She takes up the art of painting, having been trained by her father, and passes the work off as her husband’s. When her truth is revealed, Susanna is offered an esteemed position in a bishop’s household as paintrix among the rich and spoiled. Robert Ashton, the bishop’s servant, is caught in the middle of his master’s schemes and Susanna. Robert cannot stop thinking about Susanna, however he comes to loath her when he learns of the rumors that she had her husband murdered. Susanna, unaware of the lies, finds Robert obnoxious and distasteful to begin with. She travels to France with the entourage of Princess Mary who will wed the aging king of France. She also unknowingly brings with her a secret that will put her in the middle of danger. It is up to not only Susanna, but a few roguish angels to get her out of it.

The Serpent Garden is an interesting mix of art and the supernatural. I found the angels charming, especially Hadriel. I adored Susanna; she seemed very realistic for a heroine of a historical novel. She was feisty but good and she was very, very smart, which made this a fun read. I wanted to laugh with her when she fooled so many men and also defend her when those same men thought she was “just a woman.” I also thought Nan was terrific as a sometimes cheeky woman and Susanna’s old nurse. Also intriguing were the weavings of the Priory of Sion, a secret society with ties to the Knights Templar, bent on keeping a secret which they fear has been discovered. For any reader with a love of history, royalty, painting or danger, The Serpent Garden is a perfect read.

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