The Write Mind: Rejection Logic

If you’re a writer, then you’re a conscious human being. If you’re a conscious human being, then you’ve felt the sting of rejection. Therefore, if you’re a writer, you might as well stay in your pajamas all day and mope around semi-conscious drinking mojitos.

Logical or not, writers dread rejection, and it’s sidelined more of us than the most insidious cocktail. The moment we put pen to paper, we invite rejection from teachers, agents, editors, publishers, booksellers, producers, parents, ourselves. If we dwell on it, rejection can affect the way we think and write, eventually becoming internalized as negative self-talk and spilling into other areas of our lives. But that’s no fun, so why go there?

If rejection is a foregone conclusion, then it’s how we react to it that makes or breaks us. Some hit the mojitos, some post their rejection slips and break out the darts, some write a bestseller and sleep undisturbed. If the way we react is a choice, then we’re in control of how rejection affects us. Try these suggestions to rub out the sting:

1. React, then act. Cry and scream. Throw darts. Beat pillows. Venting is a great way to restore equilibrium. When you’re done, take a deep breath and move on to the steps below. They require discipline, but they’re worth the effort.

2. Reject rejection. For every rejection slip you get, write your own, listing three things you love about your piece. Focusing on positives can keep your mind from dwelling on what others perceive to be wrong.

3. Know it’s about them. Hemingway liked mojitos; Faulkner liked mint juleps. If you get rejected, it’s about someone else’s preferences, not about you. Each time your manuscript gets bounced, you’re a step closer to the agent or publisher who will like what you’re serving.

4. Don’t interpret. Rejection letters are notoriously vague. For all you know, your submission “didn’t fit our needs” because the agent left it on an airplane and was too embarrassed to own up. If you find yourself dwelling on grim interpretations, write down three happy alternates and know they’re equally probable.

5. Find the silver lining. Every rejection is an opportunity in disguise. If you’re lucky enough to get concrete feedback, be grateful and use it to make informed decisions about how to proceed. If not, dig deeper for something beneficial to take from the experience; it’s always there if you’re willing to look.

Here’s a quote from novelist Irwin Shaw: “An absolutely necessary part of a writer’s equipment, almost as necessary as talent, is the ability to stand up under punishment, both the punishment the world hands out and the punishment he inflicts upon himself.”

If we’re in control of how rejection affects us, then it follows that we can use it to our advantage, to become better writers and equip ourselves to persevere. This logic is yours to accept or reject. Either way, I’ll be dreaming tonight about that bestseller.

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Doug Kurtz is a published novelist, certified life coach and the owner of Write Life Coaching (www.writelifecoaching.com). He earned his MA in creative writing at the University of Colorado, where he also taught fiction writing. He currently lives in Boulder, where he’s busy coaching other writers and working on his next novel.