Barbara Harris Whitfield and Charles Whitfield

Photo Courtesy: Gracey Stinson

It’s April 1990. My first book, Full Circle: The Near-Death Experience and Beyond has just been released, and I am in a long black limo being driven through traffic in Manhattan. We’ve just picked up a Simon and Schuster publicist, straight out of The Devil Wears Prada, only this girl is even younger than Anne Hathaway. I am pushing 47 and feeling quite old sitting next to her. I’m also chuckling, thinking about what my blue collar neighbors in Connecticut must have said when a stretch limousine picked me up to take me to The Big Apple.

My publicist informs me that we are doing a TV show in Jersey and a radio show that will broadcast live during the 5:00 p.m. rush hour: A perfect time to be heard in the tri-state area. She carefully breaks the news to me that this interview is going to be rough. She explains that it’s just his style and he is listened to by most New Yorkers. There is dead silence for awhile, and then she continues, telling me how to roll with the punches.

The TV show went well, and as we left my publicist informed me that it will be watched by the whole tri-state area, mainly stay-at-home moms, and that they could buy my book. As I began digesting this information, my publicist began prepping me for my interview with Don Imus.

“Who’s Imus?” I ask.

“You don’t know who Imus is?” she answers, making me feel like I just landed from Mars. My excuse now, looking back eighteen years, is that I never listened to the radio, unless of course I was being interviewed.

In the late 1980’s and early 1990’s I was interviewed constantly about near-death experiences and the research at the University of Connecticut. I was even in a newsletter that went out to all the radio stations with bios on experts. That lasted a month, and I was on at least two radio shows a day somewhere in the U.S. and in Canada.

Through my experiences on radio, I offer the following advice:

1) Most radio interviews can be done from home over the telephone. If interviewing from home, don’t use a cordless phone; they sound fuzzy compared to a phone with a cord.

2) If another caller can click in to your line turn that feature off of your phone. The lick will be heard on air and can be a distraction.

3) Ask for a CD of the interview when the radio host or producer sets up the interview. Its important to have a clear recording of the interview to put on your website.

4) Realize that you won’t like every interview. Every host has his or her own agenda.

5) Talk radio is big now. Take every show you can get, even if its at 3 a.m. Someone’s shift is ending, and there are always commuters listening somewhere.

6) Laugh at your interviewer’s jokes and cracks.

7) Make sure either you or the host gives ordering information for your book. I recommend repeating the website and phone number for your publisher’s ordering department a few times throughout the course of the interview.

8) Add what you want to say even if the interviewer doesn’t ask about it and have what you want to say in front of you in big print. Remember, we’re the ones that are the authority; that’s why we wrote the book.

9) Finally, don’t take yourself too seriously. Radio interviews get easier over time and actually become fun.

My publicist left before the interview started, saying that it was almost 5 p.m. and that if I didn’t mind, she was ready to call it a day. I hope she listened to the show on her way home because this man was not who she described. Don Imus was a gentleman. He actively expressed genuine enjoyment for my topic and my book. The questions that came in over the phone were also positive. Just before the interview ended, he opened my book to the page he had marked and read one of my poems to me. That poem starts the second half of the book with the beginning of my new life. Don Imus read the following to me:

I sit patiently, now
In my solitude.
Awaiting the dawn
Of my release
Knowing a death has
Occurred.
Two cautious still
To announce my rebirth.
But starting to sense my need
For lessons in crawling, then walking.
So I may eventually Skip
And Dance
And Live
To my Heart’s Own Content.

It was a gentle moment where I realized that he and I probably had more in common than I understood. I walked away feeling good. This was the first feedback I received on my first book, and I knew that he understood. Years later, I would learn of Imus’s reputation. I believe that his reputation is show biz. Behind that, his heart beats just like the rest of us.

Click here to read "Oprah Who?" Barbara Harris Whitfield's TV interview tips.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com

Barbara Harris Whitfield with Phil Donahue

From 1985 to 1991, I worked as a research assistant at the University of Connecticut Medical School. We were examining the after effects of people who had a near-death experience (NDE). At one point, my desk became the clearinghouse for the International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS) when board members couldn’t support a separate office. During that time, the media enthusiastically picked up on the NDE, and I often got calls requesting more information and to participate in their programs. I enjoyed working on documentaries. We had crews coming in from all over the world, and they were kind and curious about our subject. I also had the opportunity to be an expert consultant on a few movies.

One of the first American TV shows to contact us was “The Oprah Winfrey Show” in 1986. My immediate response on the first phone call was, “Oprah who?” The assistant producer explained that Oprah’s last name was Winfrey, and that this was a new national talk show from Chicago. They wanted me to appear on the show as a researcher and a near-death experiencer; a role I was to play many times on TV and radio. I went on an all expense paid trip to Chicago and met Oprah for the first time in the dressing room. She was friendly and down to earth. We talked longer than I would have expected, and I remember liking her immediately. After appearing on the show, Oprah personally invited me back any time I wanted. As I left, one of her producers presented me with a book titled, “You Can Have it All: Prosperity Consciousness.” Inside, Oprah signed it and wrote, “Barbara, I know you know this but I want you to know that I know this too.”

In the second half of the 1980s and into the 1990s, I did most of the major TV talk shows and hundreds of radio shows. I didn’t have a book out until the last year of the popularity I experienced as a researcher. Despite this, I learned a lot about that strange world we call the media.

TV work is exhilarating yet frustrating. Travel and lodging are usually paid for; we are made to feel incredibly important by the staff of the show and fed plenty of caffeine and sugar. Once, I was given Chris Farley’s NBC dressing room which was stocked with huge chocolate chip cookies and big bottles of Coke on ice. The moment we are escorted by staff to the studio is a shockingly stark moment. Often, a staff member has warmed up the audience so that they are enthusiastic minutes before guests walk onstage. Usually, you don’t meet the host until the show begins taping. The atmosphere can feel electrically charged; this is where deep, slow breathing and feeling our feet connected to the floor can keep us centered and grounded.

Immediately after the show is over, guests are ushered out of the building. The door closes, and suddenly you are thrown back to reality. I have witnessed a few of my fellow guests faint in front of the limos that were escorting us back to airports. It’s a grueling process, and for some I suggest bringing along a friend to help get through it.

Barbara Harris Whitfield on The Larry King Show

I’ve been on “The Larry King Show” twice. The second time I was on, he introduced me by saying, “Was she out of her body…or out of her mind?” We need to be prepared for these moments and go with the flow. Always keep in mind that the interviewer is a performer, and it’s his job to keep the audience interested. We’re there because we are promoting our ideas and our books. They may seem rude at times, but they are helping us by keeping their audience engaged. The host knows their audience better than we do. Larry King is also an expert at interrupting. If you take too long to answer, any interviewer will interrupt.

The most important thing I’ve learned about TV and radio work is sound bites. To understand sound bites, practice answering questions in two or three sentences. Go over possible questions, and practice answering them in a pithy way. This will insure that the most important is relayed in the interview. Keep your answers short and sweet and the number of interruptions will be reduced, resulting in better sound bites.

Here are some tips for your next interview:

1) If it’s a short interview and you have something you need to say, plug that response into another question. You won’t necessarily answer the question the interviewer is asking, but the conversation is moving quickly enough that you can throw in the additional information.

2) Make sure the producers will show the cover of your book and your website address sometime during the show. Get it in writing. I was on a show last year on the Spike Network from LA. They said they would show my cover, which they never did. I also didn’t realize that this show was a spoof; producers enticed me there because of my research background and then put me on a silly show. I went along with it, and actually ended up having a good time. I would have been satisfied with the appearance if they would have put the cover of my book in the credits the way they had promised. A few weeks later after the show aired, I asked where my cover was and I was treated poorly. Looking back, I realize the importance of getting all details of a TV appearance in writing.

3) Once you sign a release, you have no leverage in the way your interview is used after it is taped and edited. You also have no leverage when it comes to not signing the release. Most of the time, producers won’t air your segment unless you sign the release.

4) Live TV is best because no one can rearrange your words in an editing room. Obviously, you need to be on point throughout the broadcast. Its important to know your subject well enough and that the interview comes across as natural and knowledgeable. Before I appeared on Donahue, I knew I was being set up to fail miserably. One of my debunkers was a cardiologist from a fundamentalist background whose book was about NDEs being the work of the devil in disguise. The other debunker was the president of the National Association for Atheists. The night before, a clinical psychologist who I prearranged a long-distance session with took me through a 45 minute guided image where I saw myself on the show doing great. At six in the morning, I jogged through Manhattan with a river of joggers. This drained my body of stress. I also had an order of 300 nuns praying for me through the actual hour. It ended up being one of the best interviews I ever did.

5) Make sure your publisher sends a copy of your book with reviews as far in advance as possible to the show. Make up a list of questions for the interviewer, or have the publisher include interview questions with your book.

6) Ask your contact from the show what they consider appropriate attire. If you’re still not sure, bring an extra outfit.

7) Realize that they are going to want to put make up on you. This includes men too. The hot lights they use on set wash out your face. Makeup artists put it on heavy, however it’s not as visible on film.

8) A stagehand is going to stick their hand up your jacket or dress to pin on a mike. A couple of times when I felt uncomfortable, I firmly took the mike away and put my own hand up my blouse. CNN, including “Larry King Live,” uses an ear piece that screws a soft plastic coiled piece into your ear. You hear everything going on in the studio through it, including what the control room crew is saying to Larry. This can be confusing in the beginning.

9) Don’t take yourself too seriously. This is entertainment, and how you think the show went may be significantly different from how the show appears once it airs.

One last thing: While you’re doing a show, ask relatives and friends to pray. It helps!

Click here to read "Who's Imus" Barbara Harris Whitfield's radio interview tips.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com

CW: We can have both inspiration and perspiration, and still not write a quality piece; one that assists or entertains readers. To write a quality piece, we usually have to be creative. To be creative, we usually have to step outside the box.

Inside the box, we are not creative. We are limited in a number of ways: Old beliefs, closed mindedness, political correctness, jargon, rigidity and perfectionism. To get out of the box, we usually do the opposite, as we demonstrate in the attached table.

A single “aha” experience is not usually enough. Creativity takes at least 5 stages: 1) preparation (focusing on a problem and its dimensions) 2) incubation (the problem is internalized into our unconscious, while externally nothing appears to be happening) (3 intimation (getting the sense that a solution is on its way) 4) illumination (the creative idea bursts forth into our conscious awareness) 5) verification (the idea is consciously verified, elaborated in writing or other ways, and then applied (from “Art of Thought” by Graham Wallas & Richard Smith, 1926.)

Creativity is not just being new or different. We can still use old, healthy or efficient concepts or principles, but we can now see or use them in expanded ways.

With originality, flexibility and time, our being expands outside the box. This process can take days, weeks, months or years.

BW: My most profound instance of stepping outside the box was with a group of psychiatric colleagues. We wrote papers on counseling near-death experiencers and others who had a spiritual awakening triggered by other means. Unfortunately at that time, psychiatry, as exemplified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM; also known as the ‘Bible’ in psychiatry,) labeled these people as “disordered.” My colleagues and I knew we were researching a phenomenon that was outside the box. The final paper that was accepted by the DSM committee, after several years of writing and appealing, was called “Spiritual Problems.” The title was (loosely) defined as what happens when our past religious beliefs are in conflict with our present spiritual experiences. This means that we can be outside the box and not be labeled as pathological.

This taught me about practicing science in a way that was outside the box. It was an experience that couldn’t have been explained, because it has to be lived. I realized that most scientists are technicians who have the techniques of their work carved in stone, inside the box. Creative scientists move outside the box, and allow confusion and chaos to move around and form new ideas.

My creativity often comes from the chaos of my audience’s questions. Like me, their past beliefs are in conflict with their present spiritual experiences. Audiences typically start off saying how confused they are. We laugh. We cry. We allow the intensity to wash over us. Later, I sit in front of my blank computer screen and say a simple prayer. Ideas start to form and move into my fingers, which send them to the screen. With patience over time, a new chapter forms for my next book or an article on our website.

Illumination takes form, giving each one of us writers a continuous flow of new ideas if we will just step and stay outside the box.

Charles and Barbara Whitfield share a private practice in Atlanta helping adults that have addictions and/or were repeatedly traumatized as children. They are the authors of 15 published books and numerous articles. They also give talks and workshops. For more information, visit www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com

CW: Perspiration is the day-to-day, month-to-month, and sometimes year-to-year hard work that we writers need to complete a piece. Thomas Edison said it best: “Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.”

I love the creative inspiration the Muse inspires in me; despite being my favorite of the two, the Muse can’t usually work alone. In some ways perspiration, or the hard work, is the only one of the two where I am fully in charge.

Inspiration and perspiration often work together well. Inspiration strengthens perspiration, while perspiration nurtures inspiration. We can influence and dance with the Muse, but she usually takes charge of the inspiration. As writers, we are usually 100% in charge of our hard work.

Perspiration is a pain, but we can make it fun by learning and strengthening our book or article. It’s very much like exercising; I often have to make myself do it.

Other areas of perspiration include dedication, discipline, schedule, zero distractions, ability to focus, organization, making outlines, patience through research, revisions and much polishing.

Sometimes our perspiration begins before inspiration grabs us. In 1999 I began writing notes for my own use that summarized what I understood about depression and mental illness, based on what I had seen in my private practice and what I was reading in clinical literature. After I wrote over half of these "notes to myself," I realized that this information was too important not to share with the world. It then took me over 5 years to write The Truth about Depression and The Truth about Mental Illness.

Another example from Barbara -

BW: When the Muse comes to visit, I know a new book is percolating. I usually resist it for a while before I begin. The playful me is excited by the Muses visit, while the rest of me wants to run and hide. I know long-term hard work is about to happen, and the dedication involved kidnaps me for months that sometimes overflow into years.

When Jyoti and Russell Park, co-authors of The Power of Humility, presented us with a one page map (see this map in our article The Universe Works in Strange Ways, writersnewsweekly.com, volume 5, Issue 8, 5/20/08) which later evolved into a 182 page book, I knew I wanted to run and hide. Charlie and I knew this map was pure Muse. We also knew that if we could figure out a way to explain the Muse, it would be a contribution to the literature on communicating with ourselves, others and the God of our understanding. We also knew this would be a stretch for us. We’d never written a whole book together, just a few articles. And we’d never written with another couple. Our process evolved as we went along and proved that the one page map worked. Books I wrote prior to this project usually took a year or two; this one took five. We walked away from it for a while when we couldn’t see where to go next. Charlie wrote two other books during those five years and I wrote The Natural Soul.

Charlie’s two books written during that time were supposed to be one book; however through his long research he uncovered so much proof of his theme “The Truth about Mental Illness,” which 600 pages later, he divided it into two books.

Looking back on those five years, I realized that we perspired. We worked.

Perspiration and Inspiration come into balance in short articles like this one. I call them “a fast hit.” I get to experience the Muse, and the perspiration is over so fast that it’s just plain fun.

Charles and Barbara Whitfield share a private practice in Atlanta helping adults that have addictions and/or were repeatedly traumatized as children. They are the authors of 15 published books and numerous articles. They also give talks and workshops. For more information, visit www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com

CW: In our previous piece, we began to address our two requirements for writing: inspiration and perspiration. The Muse is a part of our inspiration. She is the goddess of creativity, an otherworldly creature inspiring the artist at work. She has usually been portrayed as a being outside of us.

The Albert Brooks movie “The Muse” and our writing experience remind us that the best Muse lives inside us if we will only heed her calls.

She usually can’t be forced. She waits while our ideas come up, hibernate and percolate. As we wait, often frustrated, we remind ourselves that we need more substance (e.g., research, practice, imagination, notes to ourselves.) What we are about to write next is something new, but still unknown and incomplete.

Then one day she appears. Slowly or quickly. She moves into our thoughts, minds, and hearts; she is there most our life, and through our waking and sometimes sleeping hours. What we then write ideally flows, and sometimes goes laboriously slow.

Barbara gives us some examples.

BW: I thought I had finished my book The Natural Soul two years ago. I gave it to an agent. A few months later the Muse sent me a new chapter. It was inspired by a friend who was having a lot of trouble realizing that this great man she was dating was “Him.” I started putting a few thoughts down on paper. I separated Hollywood’s myth of romance with the personal experience I like to call, “The Love of my Life.” I wrote the missing chapter for my book which I then called, “The Love of our Life.” It was then that the book sold.

A few weeks later, I was going over the final touches before sending the manuscript to be published. It was then that the Muse took over once again.

I emailed Kenneth Ring, a colleague from our research into Near-Death experiences for an endorsement. He answered that he just finished an article for the Journal of Near-Death Studies on after-death communications with a near-death experiencer we both knew who had died a year ago. This deceased man was now communicating from the other side of the “veil” with a few people here in this reality. His name was Tom Sawyer (no, not the one from Mark Twain,) although his personality certainly stood out like Twain’s Tom. All of his communications, some with people who never knew him when he was on Earth, sounded exactly like the Tom we knew.

I couldn’t sleep. In the middle of the night I added a section to a chapter in the book, called “Soul Contact across the Veil.” I typed a new subheading for this section: “Tom died. Or did he?” I thought, “Finally…I’m going back to bed.” But I still couldn’t sleep. Tom didn’t want just a section in a chapter; he wanted his own chapter! Within a few days, with the help of the Muse now as Tom, the new chapter flowed. The Muse had my fingers dancing on the keyboard.

I really thought the book was finished this time. I was on my way to the gym. After my workout, I was headed to the printer to print the 130 pages of my book to be mailed. Believe it or not, I got two emails from Tom’s friends immediately before hitting the gym, saying I could interview them for more information.

Halfway to the gym, I was living the scene in “Oh God” when John Denver is driving and George Burns, as God, is in the back seat talking to him. I wasn’t going to the gym. I was getting some quotes from Tom’s two friends. I turned the car around and went home. At nine that night, I was still working on the paragraph I had gotten from each interview. It made the chapter even stronger.

And after all that, what did the Muse teach me?

When I think a manuscript is finished, and when the Muse is finished with it, are totally different deals.

Charles and Barbara Whitfield share a private practice in Atlanta helping adults that have addictions and/or were repeatedly traumatized as children. They are the authors of 15 published books and numerous articles. They also give talks and workshops. For more information, visit www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com

CW: My experience with the writing process has convinced me that I nearly always need two things to write: inspiration and perspiration. The inspiration that I need to have can be an invigorating idea that can make some an original contribution to all who read it. That kind of inspiration necessary for my writing has not always been easy for me to find.

At times, I’ve had great ideas that go nowhere. Other times, I get inspired enough about something that I build up enough creative energy to begin the long process of writing an article or a book.

But to do the actual writing, I need more than inspiration; I need perspiration. This means I need to force myself to sit down, put pen to paper and write until I’ve accumulated enough good words. Because I write nonfiction, I have to do a lot of reading as research. Doing this takes both inspiration and perspiration, which some people have called “The Muse,” which we will address in the next segment.

BW: Charlie always liked to write. He won writing awards in high school and majored in English in college before attending medical school.

I never realized my calling as a writer until I reached my 40s. I wrote a few poems because I didn’t know how else to get my feelings out about my life after a near-death experience. I met an editor from The Journal of Religion and Psychical Research. He asked to see my poetry, and eventually one of my works. Every quarter, he would publish another. By this time, I was hooked.

I had written pieces for a respiratory therapy journal in the 1970s on the emotional needs of critical care patients. Keep in mind that no one was talking about this issue. But my poetry was different. It was fun. It flowed. Each poem had spirit, which is what inspiration still means to me.

Serendipity struck again with my first book; five books later, and I still stutter when I say I’m an author. I still can’t believe it. While doing research at the University of Connecticut Medical School on the near-death experience, I was interviewed by many magazines for articles about our research. When my own personal story came out in Woman’s World magazine, one of the secretaries in our department said to me, “My boyfriend is the editor of Woman’s World” and he says you’ve got a great story. The next thing I knew, his literary agent signed me, and we were in Manhattan being interviewed by six major publishers. This was pure glamour, straight out of a Hollywood movie. I took it all in, from Rockefeller Center to the Avenue of the Americas. It wasn’t until after I signed a contract that I learned what real perspiration was.

Charles and Barbara Whitfield share a private practice in Atlanta helping adults that have addictions and/or were repeatedly traumatized as children. They are the authors of 15 published books and numerous articles. They also give talks and workshops. For more information, visit www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com

While writing the book The Power of Humility, we realized that humility can be broken down into characteristics and so we wrote about 12. They are 1) openness, 2) an attitude of “don’t know,” 3) curiosity, 4) innocence, 5) a child-like nature, 6) spontaneity, 7) spirituality, 8) tolerance, 9) patience, 10) integrity, 11) detachment, and 12) letting go – all of which lead to inner peace and what we called Level 3 – Co-Creation. In this level of functioning, our creativity is free flowing.

What happened next in our writing process truly surprised us. There were two more principles of humility that came through – not intellectually like the ones above – but in a creative way that is Level 3. These principles are gratitude and being “nobody special.” I knew about gratitude but being “nobody special” surprised me and I had to search my own soul ( battle my ego) and find other avenues to convince me to write about it.

Being “Nobody Special”
In the process of humility we work through a cycle early in our life from becoming ego-attached or “somebody special,” to then becoming ego-detached or “nobody special.” It is in that “nobody special-ness” that we can be anybody. The fatigue, the neurosis, the anxiety, the fear, all come from identifying with the somebody-ness. But you have to start somewhere. It does seem that you have to be somebody before you can be nobody. If you started out being nobody at the beginning of this incarnation, you probably wouldn’t have made it this far… It’s that force of somebody-ness that develops the social and physical survival mechanisms. It’s only now, having evolved to this point, that we learn to put that somebody-ness, that whole survival kit, which we called the ego, into perspective.

“At first you really ‘think’ you’ve lost something. It’s a while before you can appreciate the peace that comes from the simplicity of no-mind, of just emptiness, of not having to be somebody all the time. For when you become nobody there is no tension, no pretense, no one trying to be anyone or anything, and the natural state of the mind shines through unobstructed – the natural state of the mind is pure love, … pure awareness… You’ve cleared away all of the mind trips that kept you being who you thought you were.” (Whitfield et al, 2006)

In a society where everybody has to be somebody special, what a joy it can be to walk along and be nobody special. It is freeing, peaceful and serene. We learn to listen and hear. And where we are when we are nobody special is in the heart of our True Self (or Soul.) Our True Self is the source of our creative abilities. It taps into the depth of our best creative writing by tapping into the energy of what some call “Our Higher Self,” Atman, guardian angel, Christ Consciousness, Ruach ha Kodosh, Buddha Nature, etc.

Our ego wants us to be special. Our ego also is the seat of writer’s block. Our True Self flows with our creative process as long as we keep reminding our ego that we are nobody special. The following is a table showing the roles we play in the three levels. Notice the first two levels have roles that are static nouns. They are set. We are or we believe we are in a box. At Level 3 the roles are represented by words that convey action because we are now flowing with our reality.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com

When I wrote my first book, Full Circle: The Near-Death Experience and Beyond (Pocket, Simon and Schuster, 1990) all I did was tell my truth. I wrote about how the synchronicities (or meaningful coincidences) became a web that wove my path in the direction I chose to take.

Bear with me while I sort through some back up material. The first section of Full Circle is called "The End." It is my life until my divorce, when I was 41. I had my near death experience (NDE) when I was 32. It was then that I made profound changes in my life. I went to school and became a respiratory therapist. My new career included being published in magazines and journals about the emotional needs of critical care patients. I became confidant, and my self-esteem became healthy. My husband of 23 years was upset and unsupportive, which led to the eventual demise of our marriage. I met Kenneth Ring, a University of Connecticut professor, and became a subject in his groundbreaking book on the NDE, titled Heading Toward Omega: In
Search of the Meaning of the Near-Death Experience.

My husband and I separated. My ex-husband, our mutual, friends and even my relatives told me I was crazy. They said I needed to settle down and go back to being the way I was before. In the first half of Full Circle, all of this is described.

I was alone one Sunday morning, and I wrote this poem:

The Beginning
I sit patiently, now
In my solitude.
Awaiting the dawn
Of my release
Knowing a death has
Occurred.
Two cautious still
To announce my rebirth.
But starting to sense my need
For lessons in crawling, then walking.
So I may eventually Skip
And Dance
And Live
To my Heart’s Own Content.

After I finished the poem, a couple of friends invited me to lunch. They knew I was having a hard time.

This is when my life got stranger. As described in Full Circle:

"In my car, I was waiting at a stop sign about to make a left turn when I saw a small car stop at the intersection across the street. There was a small box sitting on the top of the car. I honked my horn, trying to get the driver's attention. She ignored me, so I pulled out into the intersection, stopped, and got out. I could see the car was filled in the back with gift boxes. As I walked toward the car, the driver pulled off, turning sharply, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the street. The box on the roof was airborne, and as the car speeded past, the box hit me in the chest and then fell to the pavement. I picked it up with the contents spilling out and waved to the car, but the driver was long gone.

The box was in one hand and in the other I was holding a frilly white garment. It was trimmed in beautiful eyelet lace and satin ribbon. It was a baby's christening gown and bonnet. I chuckled and wondered if it was really intended for me. I knew I was dying; maybe the Universe was also telling me to stop being fearful; after death, you're born again! I got back in my car."

Later on this August day, I called Leslee,a friend from Connecticut who is from the International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS.) I told her about the christening gown, and she told me she had just gotten off the phone with her sister who was crying. They wanted to christen their baby and didn't have the money. I mailed the gown and bonnet the next day to her and her baby.

In October, I drove 1700 miles to Connecticut for an IANDS Board meeting. During lunch, only a mile or two away from a church, was the christening for the baby I mailed the christening gown to. The parents lived over an hour away, but this church agreed to christen the baby for little money. Their decision for the time and place of the christening had in no way been influenced on me being at a board meeting there in Connecticut. Leslee and I attended the christening. This meaningful coincidence, after the other meaningful coincidences, had moved into a realm that I had to acknowledge as a miracle.

A few years later, the above poem and the series of coincidences became the pivotal turning point of my first book. The second half of the book which, like the poem, I called, “The Beginning” became a stream of synchronicities that I draw on constantly for my writing.

If we have the eyes, or the heart, to see, our lives can become the greatest story of all.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com

As a writer, I always love the way the Universe comes in near the end of a project and sometimes sooner. It feels as though something I can’t see or touch is being playful with me. At the same time these synchronicities or meaningful coincidences enhance what is being written. This is delightful and sometimes can remove the often tedious nature of how we compose the details, not to mention the validation from something we can't put a name to.

Here’s an example from the chapter on Cosmic Postcards that’s going to be in my new book The Natural Soul:

“Not too long ago, I was up early, around 7 am and went to my computer to check my email. I had two new messages. I skipped the first (from a researcher at the University of Texas) and opened the one from my friend, Robynne. She wrote that she read my first draft of the chapter on Soul Parenting from this book and loved it but was bothered by one sentence. As she spelled out her objection and used her 17-year-old daughter Frankie as an example, I copied the few paragraphs she wrote and pasted them into the text.

“Next, I opened the letter from the researcher at the University of Texas. She gave me several codes for several steps to be able to access the research over the net, and my final step with my personal password that was only mine was Frankie17.

“My heart jumped. My Soul sang. It didn’t change my world. It didn’t change anything. It just tugged at me in a way that little miracles do. There’s no logical explanation. The odds of this happening may be a billion to one. But these little miracles only qualify as miracles because they can’t be explained. There has to be something higher going on.”

My manuscript is being copy-edited as I write this. A few weeks ago, I got a profoundly beautiful poem from Chris Norman. He wrote me because he had read my book Final Passage: Sharing the Journey as this Life Ends. (Health Communications Inc, 1998). Chris was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) the day before his 50th birthday about six months ago. The name of his poem is What I Have Learned. I started scanning my manuscript and within moments found a place where I had written, “I have learned much from my dying patients.” And then I dropped that idea and went on to something else about being with people that are dying. Had the Muse perhaps decided that I needed to back up that statement?

Maybe, so I cut and pasted Chris Norman’s poem and a little introduction explaining how his process has become a spiritual journey into the manuscript. Here a just a few lines from his writing:

I have learned that the most important things in life are the ones done with love.

I have learned that playing and laughing are some of the healthiest things we can do.

I have learned that we live in a world full of miracles: The love we have for our mates and friends, the birth of our children, and the sounds of laughter are all miracles.

I have learned that it is impossible to be grateful and not be happy.

I have learned that an individual who has cultivated forgiveness has a sense of peace.

I have learned that we have the support of the Universe, whether we acknowledge it or not.

I have learned that our minds are part of the mind of God. Our hearts are part of the Heart of God. We eventually return to God and our thoughts will share the thoughts of all creation and our heart will beat with the heart of God.

I have learned that we are God's agent with our hearts faintly echoing His song.

We are to make ourselves a part of that song, so those who have lost the tune may remember it again.

All I could mutter as I reread my chapter was, “Thank you for all the other postcards that come to me in the way of little miracles.” They are my Soul confidence because over and over they validate that our lives are woven…guided from something higher. This “something higher” may be a Divine Mystery, but It shows Itself in these cosmic postcards. And even though I still have the final say on my decisions, it’s so great and Soul energizing to realize that we are not alone.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com

So often I hear my patients asking, “Why?” I hear myself ask the same thing at times, when our life is interrupted by events out of our control. These events sometimes knock us down so violently that we have to pick ourselves up and brush ourselves off and start all over again. As a writer as well as a therapist, the “whys” seem to congregate and occasionally form a wall that we call “writers block.” “Why can’t I write? What is going on? How do I get out of this?”

Little did I know when my husband, Charles Whitfield, and I started out writing The Power of Humility: Choosing peace over conflict in relationships, that I was going to find my answer to many of my whys and actually see it clearly. As the book evolved, so did a clear picture of how our ego collect conflicts and resentments to strengthen its hold on us. Our ego needs conflict to stay strong. In writing The Power of Humility, I learned to disengage from my ego and transcend to a peaceful existence where my ego couldn’t go. In that “peaceful place,” my ego couldn’t trick me into identifying with it if I was confronted with a relationship that was begging to pull me into a painful experience. In fact, my method worked so well that I had to write another book about all this as I watched my relationships with Charlie, our adult kids and even God transcend to a place I had longed for since a near-death experience 33 years ago.

The Natural Soul poured out because it is a continuation of the reality I experienced when I almost died. Only this reality I am explaining is not in another dimension. The Natural Soul is about living here in this reality. It’s my own experiences of disengaging my world from my soul. It’s about helping souls coming in to this dimension and helping souls going out again. It’s about living an authentic life from the deepest part of our heart or spirit. Our ego suffers because it resists pain. Our soul takes in what is happening in a way that allows for pain to help us learn and move through it. Our ego freezes in a depressed state. Our soul understands how to move through pain, which then transforms into a bittersweet renewal.

And, for me, it appears so far that when I come from this depth in my self, the words pour out. My writing becomes a steady stream of my truth. Without energizing my ego, there is nothing to trick me into writer’s block anymore.

The Map

These two books are really a map of transcendence. They show us how to use our relationships as our spiritual path. The Power of Humility can be summed up by the simple map below.

We start with Level 1, Conflict, which is where humans have been bumping around forever. This map then points us up to Level 2 Co-commitment, where we realize we have choices. We don’t have to accept painful and often disabling conflict in relationships anymore. By using the power of humility in this way, we transcend either/or thinking and move up to both/and, which allows for infinite choices, so that our relationships can be peaceful. Then the empowered self of Level 2 is transformed into a Co-creative energy and action, which is Level 3. At this level of development, it’s as if God and we become partners. We sense the flow and perfection of God in our life, we act in ways that creatively manifest our now-expanded intent, and we love unconditionally while we do it.

Level 4 Unity includes and expands our awareness of what we call our Sacred Person: Soul or True Self, Higher Self and Higher Power or God. When we are totally alive and no longer need to spend any energy living from an ego or false self, living as our Sacred Person is Level 4 awareness and being. When we ask for help at this level, help comes almost immediately in ways we couldn’t have predicted. This help comes with integrity and tenderness. We are flooded with knowledge about ourselves, the other person or the relationship. We see the bigger picture. And the floodgates open for any creative endeavor.

The Natural Soul was pouring out of me while we were still editing The Power of Humility. And Charlie was having the same experience. He wrote The Truth about Depression and The Truth about Mental Illness while we were still writing the humility book.

So now, I welcome every new “why” because it becomes a doorway into a new article or chapter that keeps me enthralled with the strange way the Universe works.

Barbara Harris Whitfield is the author of five books and numerous articles on the near-death experience and natural spirituality. She is a near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She spent six years at the University of Connecticut Medical School researching the psychological, emotional, and energetic after effects of spiritual awakenings and recently retired from teaching at Rutger’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies. Barbara lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, author and physician Charles Whitfield, MD. They share a private practice helping adults that were repeatedly traumatized as children. Barbara’s new book, The Natural Soul, will be coming out in 2009 with SterlingHouse Publisher. For more information go to http://www.cbwhit.com and http://www.barbarawhitfield.com